There seems to be an odd curse over living a Christian life, and where it really sinks home is when you realize that you have become as bad as many nonbelievers in your daily decisions regarding morality.
The worst part about this last wandering was the fact that I was acutely aware of the problem but had no way of stopping the slide into anarchy. Someone once told me that God rewards the effort if not the result however when taking sage consolation like this to heart you can easily set yourself up for failure.
I suppose that there is a spiritual dimension to all this that I am missing and to understand it would benefit me so I pray for understanding. At the end of the day I wish being a moral person was as simple as making the decision and putting the effort in to clean up and maintain your self. It would help if people were similarly engaged in this pursuit but finding them is tough going and speaking to churchgoers feels like talking in code.
I sometimes wonder if some of the spirits of the church haven’t become insular and make learning Christianese a way to wall off the church from the rest of society. The phrase “stand in the gap” has little meaning to someone outside the church and is immediately off putting to anyone not of the fold (pun intended. )
I digress…] I find myself starting to wonder if there is any real point in trying to get along with society when all it seems to do is corrode one’s moral fiber into digested crap. Anyway, here is to another year of fighting the good fight and hoping to conquer my desire to fit in at any cost. Death to the tyrant… Oh wait :p