Avarice and the Disabled Man’s Desire for Significance

I find myself buying electronic devices to feel included in the tablet boom, and the smartphone revolution. I strongly desire these devices, especially the new devices, to prove, somehow, that I am still relevant in society, now that my 2 disabilities conspire to prevent me from seeing the blue skies and the white clouds from anything more than the living room window.


I am glad today for a little perspective. That I can spend an hour or so getting the kinks out of my back with some Ibuprofen and Excedrin, and a lot of stretching and popping, thus enabling me to venture outside. This is opposed to the depression which tells me I am confined to my apartment regardless of what I try. Not every day is like this, it is all incumbent on my sleep from the night before, and any extra physical work I may have done the day before. The trick is to convince myself every day to get out and smell the roses, and ignore the desire to curl into a ball and whimper.


After moving into this apartment, I found that excessive lifting and walking up and down steps could cause the most egregious of back pain, and also induce a state where sickness could creep in: 1 1/2 weeks of bronchial distress was enough for me by miles. At the end of the ordeal I have made sure to convince myself not to move anytime soon, regardless of the state of affairs with whomever is living with me.

Which brings me to another point: I must learn to be pleasant to all persons I encounter during the day’s journey, unless I end up trapped here with the outside world wishing for nothing but me to remain here in obscurity without recourse. Selfishness doesn’t benefit much, and neither does sharing pain from a wound that cannot be seen outwardly.


I must completely relearn perspective, having taken the Amtrak trip of selfishness round trip. I am finding it to be less than helpful in my daily life.avarice


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